ONCE AGAIN I RUIN CHRISTMAS

SOOOOOOOOOOOO YYYYYEEEEAAAHHH
Sorry about the lack of blog lately. I haven't had the best week. (The best week I ever had was when the wall to that strip club across the street fell down ahhh yeah)
SOOO yeah snow day today. Its a day to drink cocoa, make a snowman, and write your name in urine on your neighbor's lawn.  (Sorry neighbors, it was too tempting) 


Christmas is coming on to us like a drunken hooker. Fast, sudden and the only way to get rid of it is to throw money at it. The most anticipated toy is a Barbie with a video camera that puts videos on the internet.  (Becuse the world does not have enough videos being posted on the internet by blonde girls made of plastic.) This toy is supposed to be very popular among little girls.  (And pedophiles that want to trick little girls into video taping themselves.) Serioulsy, who the hell thought that was a good idea?  (A creepy toy like that gets bought, but my toy "babies first hand grenade" doesn't?)  

SO, as we all know,  at this time of year  a fat old man with a beard, aka Santa, sneaks into your house and leaves gifts at your tree. Now, how does he afford flying reindeer, elves and the material to make toys? Well, I snuck into the north pole to find out.:
1. the elves.  They are not elves, they are really children Santa takes from orphanages. They are free cheap labor. (he stole the idea from NIKE; yeah they use child slave labor otherwise I wouldn't have found a help me note in my sportsbra....uhh i mean sneakers)
2. how does he see u when you're sleeping ?the same way I do.  He gets his friend the tooth fairy to put tiny micorchips in your teeth. don't worry; they dont do any damage (excpet erectile disfunction, extra foot, unexpected pregnency, explosive diaherria, explosive constapation, loss of hair, and horrible painful unexpected death.)
3.how does Santa have all the resources to make all these presents? Simple: he gets resources from the black market. yep that stuffed pony was once a real pony. That nerf gun is made from parts of a real gun. That tickle me Elmo?  u do not want to know what that is made of believe me.
4.yeah those flying reindeers? they are mooses.(flying reindeer? that's just ridiculous)

so follow, comment, send me a fruitcake (that was my nickname in prison plz dont ask)

Now Heres Something for the Ladies or Really Creepy Guys o.0 ???

I was in my room staring dreamily at my Taylor Lautner Poster......um did i say staring uhh i meant punching him in his rock hard dreamy abs of steel mmmmmmm (plz like u never thought this guys i mean he's almost as sexy as a panda) and it got me thinking about Twighlight. Yeah I've never read the books or seen the movies but im going to just use the knowledge my sister has told me.

So yeah theres an emo guy name Edward
SPOILER ALERT!!!
hes a vampire (el gasp) and even though hes 1000 years old (almost as old as Larry King) he still look like hes 18 and still goes to highschool. (if hes a 1000 years old and hangs around schools  does that make him a petafile??? also he hasnt been able to drink or buy a hooker for 1000 years that s rough.) Immeditly a normal girl (well as normal as u can be when ur attracted to emo bloodsuckers and harry people...wonder if she would like pandas) is drawn to him because u know a guys deep when he wears turtlenecks and is so pale that if u look at him u go blind. So he takes her on their first date to the woods. ummm yeah i dont care if u r a vampire dont go with a creepy red eyed guy to the woods believe me ive been their (shurrder) ohh unless he offers u candy then i say go for it. Soo yeah hes like i like turtlenecks, man eyeshadow, and sucking the blood out of peoples necks. Then the girls like OMG THATS SOO HOT. Its okay though cause he only hunts deer.(which is worse have u ever tried killing a vampire deer its hard.) Ohh and he glistens did i mention that. Yeah u know u are a manly man when u sparkle like michel jackson's sparkley glove (cause we know he is such a man. Which leads me to a question why do vampires look hot when they glisten b ut when i put sparkle glitter on myself people call me gay???)


Then theirs Jacob (Fan girl squeelll........uh i mean manly grunt)
So hes a normal kid that decides to try and pet the weird giant wolf thats growling at him and gets bitten(ooooooo who saw that coming) any way he becomes a werewolf that makes him grow(in height u perverts gawd) also it makes him become a werewolf when ever he gets phissed.(sort of like how justin beiber punches a 12 year old when he gets phissed....well in his defense that was pretty ballsy considering that the 12 year old could of taken him down in a second.) ripping his clothes (awwwww yeah) and turning into a wolf.(watch out!! Sarah Palin will track u down.)
P.S  I LOVE U SARAH I VOTED FOR U 5 TIMES (what i love thoose i voted stickers)
So the girl is like OMG I TOTALLY DONT KNOW WHO I LOVE ILL TOTALLY MAKE EM FIGHT EACH OTHER TO THE DEATH FOR ME LIKE TOTALLY(bitch alert) 
1. hmmm emo guy that glistens and has a bloodlust (like the teletubbies thoose sick bastards killed my family) or the Tan guy with Abs. OHHHH yeah impossible choice. Taylor can change into a wolf hes a boyfriend u can pet and put bows in his fur!!!!
2. Life would be soo much simpler if we sholved all our problems buy fighting to the death
3. u dont deserve either of them all u do is act emo, almost get killed, and cause a giant war between the vampires and wereolves (humans would win because we have bigfoot, the chupacarbra, the lochness monster, and the muppets on our side duh, oh and santa that dude will shove your stocking full of cool where the sun wont shine.)
4. and we all know i deserve Jacob duh(im not gay or am I???????? nah im not.)

ACTUAL SPOILER ALERT DONT READ UNLESS U HAVE FINISHED THE SEREIES!!!!
SOOOOOOOOOO she chooses the vampire gets knocked up (dude is 1000 years old their is no way thats his only kid. He probly isnt a vampire just some guy that says he is to pick up chicks.) the baby is slowly sucking the life out of her (just like octomom) she lives (yeah baby, booo girl)
Jacob has a weird bond with the baby..........come on man this is a  kids book gawd! ewwwwwwww!
And the series end leaving many a sad teenager girl (im looking at u justein beiber) 

Soo thats my review on Twighlight. Yeah blew ur mind didnt it. So my bloggyness has spread to some pretty cool people. check out these blogs 

http://theblogofsmallpockets.blogspot.com/
 http://randomshenaniganism.blogspot.com/
Their Posts are like a pot circle in your mouth and every ones invited (except me *sniff*)
Yeah follow, comment, send me a cookie

8 Subscribers If U Guys Were Any Awsomer U Would Sweet Double Rainbows

YEAH GUYS!!!!!!! 8 SUBSCRIBERS (thats like 56 in dog numbers) ONCE WE REACH 100 I WILL BEGIN MY ASSULT ON FRANCE!!! FIRE WILL RAIN DOWN ON THEM AND ARMYS OF TELLETUBIES WILL MARCH THROUGH THE STREETS (they make great hired merceneries) AND CANDY WILL RAIN FROM THE SKIES

Check out these peoples blogs there funny and these people turn me on a little (and when i say a little i mean allot)

http://theblogofsmallpockets.blogspot.com/

http://randomshenaniganism.blogspot.com/

Yeah but do to my visit to the travel agecy,studying(heh yeah right) my blog post wont be updatd till tommrow