You'll Laught, You'll Cry, and You May Vomit a Little & I Tell the True Meaning of Thanks Giving

Thats right every one im talking about that pointless holiday between Hallowen and Chrismas.
Im Talking about Thanks Giving.
Now what is the true meaning of Thanksgiving? Giving Thanks? Hell No! Family? Dont make me laugh! (seriously when I laugh its like tickle me Elmo mixed with the pillsberry dough boy.) I KNOW ITS ABOUT COMING TOGETHOR IN PEACE??? BULLSHIT!!!!!
Its about tricking your enimies in to baking you food then slaughtering them infront of their families, stealing their land, raping their women, and destroying their sacred culture.
Thats rght im talking about the pilgrims and the Native Americans. (Ohh u think im cruel? Your the one that kills a turkey then shoves bread up its dead ass only so u can later eat that bird.) I can only imagine how the end of that feast went down. 
Pilgrim:WOW that was a great feast only makes me feel bad what were about to do to u.
Indian:What are u going to do??
Pilgrim:GIVE U THE BIGGEST PEICE OF PIE!!!!!!
INDIAN:  =)
Pilgrim: Also were going to take your land and kill most of you.
Indian:   =(
(thats exactly how it went down kids ask your teachers.)
But BOO FREAKIN WHOOOOO Indians. Your not as peace loving as you say you are. The Apachaes went around takng other indian tribes scalps. (Thats when they take a hatchet to your head and skin the top of it off like a fleashy tuna can) Then they collected the scalps and wore them. Im cruel but not that cruel. (Actually i am that cruel but the FBI took my hatchet......long story short i ended of in guatemala bay.)
Besides you want to know what happened to my ancestors who thought it was a good idea to stay in the Ukrain??? The russian soildeirs came raped everybody (boys and chicks) slit peoples throats and chopped of there hands and lined the dead bodies up against the church. Then they burned the crops. So the people who did survive frozed and starved to death. But you dont see me complaing. (Thats cause instead of complaing i have plans to conquer Russia and change it into the biggest amusment park ever. This is all top secret so dont tell the FBI.)
Besides Indians first of all u get your own reservations. Sure there poverty ridden hell holes but their your poverty ridden hell holes. Second you get your own casiones. If some on shot me in the crotch but then gave me a casino id freaking kiss them. (This isnt an invitaition to shoot me in the groin. I know some of you are thinking about it.) Third we named are sports teams after you. I mean thats just epic! i sent the NFL a letter petioning for a team called the FIGHTING EVIL TOAST but they havent responded.
Besides with out the Europeans you wouldnt have alcohol, guns, and sexually transmitted dieseases. You know all the things that make life fun
So Indians be proud of your new lives and stop trying to make me feel bad cause i could honestly not care less.


Closing Lines: So rember the true meaning of Thanks Giving this year. Destroying your enimies. So instead of spending it with your family (come on you see them every day) have dinner with your enemy and then when they go use your restroom put C4 under their car, take a dump in their pool, or hire the mafia to kidnap their favorite pet and hold it for ransom. (If the FBI catches you doing this you dont know me.)

HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE >=)