IM FINALLY BACK FROM EUROPE So Sit Back and Let Uncle EvilToast Spin You A Yarn

DEAR GOD  I haven't updated this thing since 2 weeks ago (so if this is rusty dont come after me unless your a hot chick, or decent, or ugly, or a man im not picky)

Soooooooooo i went to europe (read the title moron) so im going to give u a quick run down of my trip.

France
SOOOOO I went the Lovre (basicly a big fancy ass museum just like the sexatorium in Israel. Its a real thing look it up.)  and one piece of art really represented french culture the best 

I Dont Know why but it caught my eye

Also the gaurds dont appreciate it if you take a nap in Napoleans bed (then wet it) the gaurds get kinda of phissed(and by kinda i mean they will hit you faster then kids running away from Michel Jackson) Also the cops there mean buisness. You see their army is involved in no wars (shocking since we know how much the french love fighting.) so they have nothing better to do then patrol the malls and streets and their packing grenades and machinguns when they do this.

Soldier: Hey that old lady is jay walking that sick SOB open fire!!!

So that was a major damper on my plans of taking over France. Then we went to Napolean's tomb. When that dude got buried he meant buisness his tomb is huge also he is buried with a very prestigious man of great honer and dignity. A Mr. Faucker

Plz u think  i could make this stuff up. So Napoleans tomb was super classy golden pillars marble coffins.(thats nothing compared to my tomb its going to have a water slide open bar, stripper poles, jack black, a petting zoo, a roller coaster, stripper poles, a bowling alley a giant gummy bear, ohhh and a stripper pole) so everything Napolean had was big *cough* over compensating *cough* (im talking about his height not his dick pervs god)

Germany 

Well it was a sasuage fest (teehee) litarely nothing to eat but sausage. If you order something American that blows their mind. i ordereda cheesebuerger they gave me a piece of raw meat with an egg on it?!?!?! (I need a pair of nice toasty buns to bury my face in........0___0....you know what i mean)

SOOOO we stayed at a small hotel that had buetiful wooden architexture but apparently was built for leprechauns cause the doors were soo small. I kept banging my head it was like living with the munchkins from the wizard of OZ. Except instead of singing and dancing and candy I got yelling in german and sasuage.

We went to church which i couldnt follow cause it was in german I mean toilete what the hell could that mean (i think it means some kind of rocket ship)

Also German TV has comercials for porn on every channel even nickolodean.(u might think im a porn man im not its for sick lonley people its legless hookers for me or nothing.) SOO we get to the train station and almost every train is cancelled. We finally do get on a train to Prague but all of a sudden we are dropped off at the border between Germany and the Czech Republic but all i know is that some germans are yelling sneil at me and shoving me off a train in the middle of the wilderness. (WW2 falshbacks)

Prague

Relax another train takes us to Prague from their. We get to the hotel at 1am and they have soda candy and popcorn in my room (I was in love) Also the czechs love americans becuase we both hate the Russians. (Strange countries dont like it when you forcefully occupy them and make them give you all their resources strange I know.)

Soo yeah we go to the Charles bridge. Where the Czechs love throwing people off of. (cuase u know what else are u supposed do on a bridge. well their was a hobo who would bow down to you so you would hve to give him money. Thats the problem with our hobos no class) Also they love their creepy statues of skulls. So i went to the chocolate muesum. I learned that chocolate is an aphrodisiac(something used to get someone horny) so next time a boy gives you chocolates ladies knee him in the balls for trying to take your purity.

We also went to the torture museum. Lets just say they like hurting the genitials. (just like my ex wife...Peter Pands...i miss you) You know hit them with a hammer, saw them, cut them off, burn them and the worst torture off all put them in a chasity belt. (ps no chasity belt will protect you from me so dont even try)

SOOO That was europe hope it gave u a laugh or an STD you know which ever you prefer

Thanks for Reading =D